An Open Letter to my Ex-Boyfriend, Long distance got the better of us.

For the first time in my life, someone made me special in a very noteworthy way. This is an open letter to my ex-boyfriend; when things didn’t go easy for us, there was nothing we could do about it.

I was blind in love and naive before I met you, but I thought I’d let you know, and I realized that I needed you, and I wondered if I could come home with you. People may not have understood, but I was happy with you because you’ve done things no one ever had done for me before. One of which was giving me a virtual tour in Stockholm. Hence I playfully imagined that we were walking together on a cold and windy summer day.

Going back to the first time we met was one of the most memorable events in my life. We were both strangers from two different sides of the world. It was fun and weird at the same time. There was no air of romance, just pure silliness and laughter from two real people while having a good time and getting to know each other on a rooftop bar in Kuala Lumpur.

On the other hand, you seemed to be good at keeping words.

An open letter to my ex-boyfriend. The long-distance relationship was not our thing; we initially gave it a shot and succeeded.

Eventually, our love story bloomed. We’d come up with a committed relationship—a relationship I wasn’t ready for and a relationship you had no idea about, but we took the risk and gave it a shot. Luckily, it worked. But I guess faith was sometimes playful. Though we tried to fight for it, the distance got the better of us. I was never a fan of long-distance relationships, as I’d been there and done stuff that didn’t work out.

I was on cloud 9 when you came back and saw me again. You kept your promise and proved to me that you were a man with one word.

As days progressed, I grew to like our love story. It was one of my most favorites. It was very different from the ordinary. People judged us, but we were never bothered because it was clear to us that they didn’t really know what was going around. When you love someone, you love them.

The list of memories would be endless if I’d try to recall every piece of our shared moments together. They were cool and fun. We were a cool couple, a natural one. Despite that, we were different from one another—an Asian girl who suddenly entered into a serious long-distance relationship with a European guy, we just clicked. It just happened.

I could never forget that day we first walked to the beach together, a moment we’d been waiting for after learning that we shared common interests in life like beach bumming. And we also dreamed of someone to hold our hand while walking. We’re lazy people who like to lie on the sand, sipping our favorite cocktail and beer while sunbathing. We were talking about our future like we knew what was going to happen. It’s lovely and carefree.

The distance didn’t make us closer to each other. We got tired. Things didn’t go easy for us.

Until one day, things started to go astray. The rainbow-colored love story just turned into black and white, but we didn’t want to admit that. Everything was gray. As they say, things don’t always go the way we want them to.  It’s like a theory that I cannot explain, but we lost our relationship because we became so confident that we forgot to sympathize with each other. The problem was we didn’t know how; we just knew it existed but couldn’t make progress. We were stuck.

The long-distance got the better of us. The long-distance relationship we tried to keep solemn turned a mess; at the same time, some things became monotonous. You got so preoccupied with your music and became indifferent. I never stopped you from pursuing your dream because it’s your passion, and you wanted to follow your dad’s footsteps, but the sad part was, you never included me in it. You became selfish. All I wanted was a goal, a goal that two people wanted to achieve so that they could succeed together, but I never felt anything at all. Or maybe, I was so dependent on you that I forgot that I’d had a life that I could enjoy, not waste on waiting for someone to ignore me.

Even though our cultures were different, it didn’t matter tMy big family accepted your family, but I wasn’t by yours. Or maybe I was. I was a bit clueless here. Still though, you were a very nice person and I am glad that you let me be me as myself during the times that we were together, for spoiling me with my tiny stuff and for treating me like a princess, because I was a little princess who you liked to see happy and smiling all the time.

I wanted to believe you loved me as much as I loved you, that you’d do anything for me and fight for me. But I guess I was wrong. You were different, but you were the one I loved the most.

Consequently, I must admit that somehow when our relationship was on the rocks, I began to notice your flaws. Flaws I just wanted to ignore. For me, they were no big deal. I’m a liberty taker, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I am not judgmental either. But I wish you did not take me for granted. I wish you gave your best even though we didn’t know what was going to happen next. So I decided to write an open letter to pour down all my thoughts and probably hand it out to my ex-boyfriend one day.

On the other hand, there were times I thought I was stronger and I could do everything on my own, and I thought you were there, but you left me just when I needed you most. You made me learned the hard way that even the people we thought who cared and thought about us the most could also let us down. In times of my own trouble, you showed me how to be responsible but didn’t help me stand up. It was hard.

And I hate to say this, but I didn’t feel the love I deserved to get. I didn’t want to believe that I settled for less. You were not less, but you missed the best things that were supposed to show, give, and done without any words. Regardless, I didn’t hate you for not doing your part, but somehow, I hated myself and the long-distance relationship we braved on.

You’re a wonderful person and I loved you.

You proved to me that every nice girl like me should be treated right in every way possible. You’re a nice man. You were like a prince who a princess luckily found. You once told me that I was your princess, and I believed you, but I just realized that if I were really your princess, we should be under the same castle. But no, you were alone in your own castle, letting your princess be alone in the sadness of her own. Despite everything, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. And I hope this open letter would make you realize that your words didn’t match your actions, dear ex-boyfriend.

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Somehow, you didn’t break my heart; instead, you broke my belief that long-distance relationship works.

I wish I weren’t that fragile. I believed it was easy to handle that because you let me hold you tight from the beginning of our long-distance relationship.

“We couldn’t find the missing pieces as time went by and so we just realized that, “Hey, what are we doing? And we kept silent.”

I’m a person who believes in fate and destiny. I once believed we were destined. This made me write this open letter to an ex-boyfriend I thought I was meant to be with. But now I realize, maybe even from the beginning, we never were.

Time flew fast, and as I looked back, I can’t believe that we lost almost everything we cared for. But for all the time wasted, time spent well, and time unknown, I’m thankful.

And then we ended up making a choice. It was the only ability that was left. Either we continue or leave. And we decided to do the latter. 

The mistakes we made could never be fixed but could be avoided. We can always start a new beginning. Our life may have become different, and a new stage is about to begin. We don’t blame each other in the end because we’re just human beings. I’m glad I met you, and I don’t regret letting you into my world. You brought so much joy to my life. And every painful ending is a beautiful beginning. 

And I hope this open letter finds you well, to my ex-boyfriend who once I cared most about.

Sometimes we’re better when we’re on our own. Maybe this is our destiny after all.