Over a little year ago, I had the chance to climb a mountain for the first time ever in my life. I was with a group of people I just met at a travel group who eventually became my closest friends and travel buddies. Climbing a mountain then was completely new to me, I didn’t even know what to wear and I ended up dressing down with, well, a pair of boots that’s acceptable enough, a sleeveless that looks like I’m practicing yoga and a summer shorts which at the end of that day got torn apart. Silly. I know that. Didn’t matter. I successfully made it to the top with fun people, chuckle some jokes that have been part of our laughter whenever my friends and I meet over and over again, and good bare hands food.
The mountain was covered with greens. It welcomed and comforted me once I set my foot in. The smell and the gust of the wind beneath my skin seemed like a touch of solace. It’s like I was meant to see it with my bare naked eyes to make promises to myself that I’ll forever cherish.
And here are some I made
I promise myself to let go. Five months prior to my first climb, a 3-year long distance relationship unfortunately ended the worst way possible. Nay, I traveled and met new people but it didn’t come easy. It didn’t just shift me to let go. Let go of the things I was terrified to. I had to face myself, my fear of being alone, being left behind and face the reality. Every morning, I wished that I had one more time to face him, one more moment to be with him. It had me like waiting skeleton but then I set the motion to let go. Fated, when you are in pain, it seems impossible to let go of your beautiful memories that you have created with the person you spoon and fork with. Memories are wonderful if you don’t have to deal with the past. Definitely, your mind creates mountains of thoughts that are contradicting your feelings. Good feelings that you baby because it makes you feel good and making yourself believe into an illusion. But you have to let go. Not because you want to but because you need to. But hey, let go. Just let go. There’s no sense holding on to something that’s obviously not worth holding on for.
I promised myself to move on and I can tell you, moving on was not easy. Yes, it always comes with endless nights of crying, depressions, and loss of interest in some things that used to capture your eyes. Everything you see just reminds you of him, every face you meet seems like him, what can you do? Nothing. It’s okay. It’s just part of the process. Cry as much as you want. Feel and suck in the pain. Let it flow to every drop of your blood, to every strand of your hair. Embrace it until you don’t feel it anymore. Eventually you’ll come to realize that by just letting the pain continue to slurp in you, the more that it won’t hurt you. Eventually, you’ll be fine. Trust yourself. You won’t be fastened in that predicament forever. Remember, tomorrow is another day. If you’ve experienced the worst heartbreak now, your next will never be the same anymore. Pains are okay. Feel it. You can never run from them but you can beat them in a way you don’t even realize you could. Sure, pains are inevitable but you can always move on.
Just let it be.
That mountain climbing was one of the freshest days that I started dating a Swedish guy I met at my first solo trip abroad. He was very nice and we had traveled together in three provinces in the Philippines in two weeks during his visit, though, it didn’t result us to committing ourselves in a serious relationship. He bravely admitted he was afraid. Afraid to hurt me. He was a surreal, upright person. So was I. After he came back to Sweden, we didn’t decide on anything to start a new chapter between us and just went with the flow. For me, honestly it was quite alright. On the other hand, some of my friends urged me to pull the trigger, which I never did. It ain’t easy but I did the unthinkable. I let it be. I let whatever came along the way.
But be brave.
I made myself brave for not sticking around and falling in love right away with someone whom I didn’t know well and someone who himself can’t commit, though we were deeply in touch with each other consistently, it still brought me aches not completely incorporating with him (of course, I’m not a robot, I do have feelings). Aside from that, it had just been five months since I had my first major and worst heartbreak in my life so to connect the dot, I myself wasn’t ready for anything that might again corpse my soul. Making yourself brave enough doesn’t mean you’re a coward, it only means you can face yourself and later on, it will guerdon you.
Remember to keep your options open.
Dating. Work. Opportunities. Name it.
I promised myself not to fall in love with someone whom I’m not even sure with. With the Swedish guy, I learned not to stick around and won’t let emotions control me. Indeed, we spent lovely times together like real couples do, however, we didn’t want to hurt each other so we skirted around ourselves to what we so called “commitment”. Caustic. Yes. But believe it or not, I handled well-nigh. Dating itself was not easy as to my own perception. I myself wasn’t sure if he’s seeing another girl back in his country, he was very honest to me, no questions, but of course, boys are boys. I didn’t let myself stuck into him. So, I kept my options opened. Frankly speaking, I dated other guys, not for the sake of finding someone better but just purely enjoying myself and what dating and fun have to offer. What else? I remembered, he was even insensitive. Once we were on Skype together, I was trying to make him jealous, “oh, another guy is befriending me on Facebook”. Guess what he answered? “I don’t care about your flirting”. It hurts. I know right? Even though we were not committed, it was like a slap on my face. Well, opening your options also applies to job, work, opportunities and whatever comes along your way. Choose whatever you want. Open your doors. No one stops you. You’re a woman, beautiful and fierce. Just do whatever you feel like doing and enjoy it.
Be patient and let things happen.
Of course, it still slit my neck. My so called dilemma and being the liberty taker all paid off. Sooner or later, the Swedish guy seriously booked a flight to see a woman he never thought he would come back for and meet again. Best things come to those who wait, to those who are patient. I didn’t rush us. We just enjoyed what he had. And I said to myself that if it’s gonna work out, it will. If not, move one step ahead. And remember, what’s meant to be will always find a way. As of the moment, we are officially a couple. In a serious long distance relationship. I am coming to visit him in his beautiful cold country later this year.
Love yourself. Comfort yourself. Whatever situations you had or you’ve been having, nothing could be more rewarding than giving yourself the time to buck up. It doesn’t need to be polished off only when you’re in a bad shattered heart but also because you can do it whenever you feel like to. It’s the only way to feel alive.
Don’t judge me, it’s not always love and heart breaks that I am fond of writing. I also pencil my own self-discipline.
Friends love to take photos and selfies. You can never leave your home without bringing your smartphone, camera, go pro or whatever gadget you have to take a photo of yourself. Sounds weird but during the time we were in the mountains, there was a signal. Of my friends whom I was with tagged a photo of me on Facebook to which, one of my previous colleague saw. She commented and said I was fat. I honestly deeply got hurt so I promised myself that I didn’t wanna be called fat by her again and by anyone who sees any photos of me on Facebook. So I strictly followed my diet plan and eventually, I got the curve that I wanted. Sure, it didn’t come easy like moving on. I had to give up some of my favourite dishes and sweets because I was I thought I needed to be supportively strict to myself. I needed self-discipline. I practiced yoga at least 5 times a week, I lessened the amount of my meals and more maneuvers that rescued me to lose my beer belly that’s caused by my loads of booze when the Swedish guy and I were traveling together.
(Disclaimer: I do not condemn any fat/ chubby girl in this post, this is purely my own personal sentiments)
HELL, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING: Making a promise to realize these things doesn’t need to be in the mountains only. You can actually comb it in any place you set your heart and mind on. But let me tell you, that first climb I made was truly worthwhile. Not to mention, ending the day soaking my worn out body in a warm falls and clear water with crazy people with same interests as yours is hors concours. And by just simply being in the mountains, you’ll realize how much change you can make to be better. Have you ever felt that? Mountains are filled with fairies, aren’t they?
In a nutshell, on that day in the mountains, I pledged to myself that I will move on from the wretched off wall situations and start a new chapter. I knew I could make it. I knew I was strong and brave enough. That I’d soon forget whatever bad things happened to me, that there’s tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is yet to be written. There’s hope. I did. I had. You’ll see change, definitely. You’ll feel better about yourself. And that mountain was the seed. From that day on, it made me want to change my shrewdness of life into something better. And I’m proud to say yes, I made a new chapter that’s so much metamorphosed from the previous ones. It changed in a way that I could truly love and embrace, and I’m beyond happy. In one day, many things can happen. Start your own chapter now. You can always maneuver your life.
“From then on however, I only had two chances to go up and see what’s up there but those promises I made were never burst and I will keep making them wherever I am until I get the best of me, myself and I”.