Travel - World

To the Guy I’m not ready to give my Love

“I sometimes don’t want to believe that some people meet at the right time and at the wrong place, because I want ours to be different”

“ Hello. You are very cute! Nice to meet you!”. Funny as it may seem but this is exactly how we first met online. I thought you liked my compliment but you seemed like a very shy guy. ” Do you like guys with glasses? You asked. I said of course! followed by, “I like you!”, In a jokingly manner. You smiled timidly. And then we started off the conversation with a touch of getting to know you.

I am always impress of how kind you are to me. The getting to know you stage lasted for about a couple of months. I guess people are sometimes right, that “timing is everything”. We met a few weeks after my very terrible break up with my long distance ex boyfriend. You got curious so I told my whole story and you listened very spontaneously and very patiently. You also did share yours so we got connected in a way.

Somewhere between our conversations, we felt that there might be something special thought we don’t wanna start any far reaching event in the momentum. A few weeks of daily parley, you then decided to visit me in the Philippines, you know that I was very glad that you were actually trying to make me feel that I’m already part of you and that I’m already important in your life. I wasn’t in a hurry, however, despite those good talks we share, I still came to think that I asked myself if I am really making a difference in you since you’re always busy at work, rarely and shortly responds to my msgs via line. You are also a very quiet and shy type and you always use that as an excuse not to return the favour, on the other hand, I would always keep messaging you and would urge you to respond to practice your writing skills, at least.

When we finally met, I got starstruck how good looking you are in person more than seeing you on Skype. I gave you a soft kiss on the cheeks and a warm hug, trying not to be awkward since there was none of these gestures in your culture. That night when we and your friend went out and first met each other, I took a photo of us and sent it to my sister, she got crazy over you and said ”Omg! he’s so handsome! you should marry him!”. I had this electric “kilig” factor and that there was something in you that I adore in some way. You’re very kind, handsome and very polite, which I seldom determine with guys that I’ve dated before.

The first night was a very fun time, drinks at a very fancy bar, great foods and splendid conversation. The next day and for the rest of your stay in the Philippines, we went sightseeing, lunch, dinner and drinks together, let you tried a lot of first times such as eating barely by your hands, surprising you how I opened a bottle of beer by my teeth. You were also  amazed how I peeled off a mango fruit by my teeth and called me a monkey in the zoo! I loved that you took a photo of me as your remembrance and you kept laughing at me! I could see and feel that you really enjoyed it and you were very happy to spend time with me. Those stuff that you experienced made you happy that you barely sorted out back in your country, you showed so much appreciation. On our second night together, it was romantic. You are very sweet and gentle. I could never forget that night.

And then day passes by. We keep in touch everyday, I appreciate that you care so much about me, my health that you always remind me to take a rest, my job, that you care  and keep reminding me that if I need anything, you’ll be always be there for me. You are genuinely a kind person and I feel lucky for having you around. On the other hand, I’m still giving my best shot to teach you with your English because sometimes you kick up a fuss that you wanna improve more but you’re very lazy and say you’re worn out from the day’s hard work and I can’t do anything about it so we always find ourselves chatting about random topics but you are a nice talker.

I like you. I do.  In spite of that, I’m sorry that I can’t say I love you like the way you want me to. I know you know how special you are to me.  And very childish to say, I am still on the fact of guarding my feelings and I honestly don’t really wanna hurt you and us.

“I want a relationship where both partners are fully emotionally prepared”

I believe love should be shared by two people. If only one is loving, it would be unfair. Love shouldn’t be rushed. Love must come at the right time and place.  I can’t say I have it all that covered for now. Loving someone is easy but trusting your feelings is way more difficult. Love shouldn’t be wasted, nor time. Love shouldn’t be fooled around and feelings should be real and genuine.

You are such a great person, the most kind the most patient I’ve ever met and that never really fails me to admire you. But when the right time comes, that I am fully already ready for everything, I promise there’s no turning back.

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