This is my letter to the guy who broke my heart, to the one I loved but also made some broken promises. I thought we were doing alright, but at the same time, I also sensed that something I was dreading was going to happen. The day you said goodbye. I was right, all along. It was a tremendous heartbreak I’ll never forget.
“Some people just can’t keep their promises and will just leave you a permanent scar.”
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
A letter to the guy who broke my heart. You were almost perfect for me.
To begin everything with, I’d like to let you know that you were someone and I admired you in every aspect. You were The one I wanted to share the rest of my life with, the one I promised myself once to see waiting for me as I walk down the aisle.
Our relationship was a long-distance love, we were a thousand miles apart. But we managed to preserve it in the most magnificent way. Despite other people judging and telling us that we were never gonna make it because of the distance and time difference. It’s true, evidently. Nevertheless, we were sweet. I could picture us like a perfect couple in the naked eyes of people. Even some of my friends would envy me for having a guy like you who’s been so fateful, bold and affectionate – a man of his word, a one-woman man that I could proudly boast to everyone.
We trusted each other that cheating or other unnecessary issues as a long-distance couple were never a problem during those lovely years that we were together. I’ve been so very proud of you and us for successfully establishing that relationship and I valued it a lot.
It was almost like a fairytale for me.
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The day you said goodbye turned my world upside down. You’re the guy whom I trusted, hence made me write this letter for you.
You left. You dumped me. For that reason, I decided to write this letter without telling who this guy is. But how did that happen? How did you break my heart? How did it all begin? Was the day you’re going to say goodbye is just an inch away? I was petrified. I didn’t really want to think about it.
Our small argument on the night of December 30, a day before the New Year welcomed. That night I was heading back to my hometown, it’s the countryside where the internet was not available, rather the connection was poor.
I asked you to please wait for me online after I finished all my classes so that we could catch up since we haven’t talked for almost a week as your internet at home was down. You said yes so I was glad but when I was done with my stuff, you went sleeping. I guess you were tired and I should understand, so I did.
On the other hand, I was furious by your act, and I unintentionally said nasty things. However, you didn’t get the picture of it, and I actually wanted to talk to you and greet you happy holidays. Instead, you got irked and hung up on Skype, deleted your Facebook account and didn’t get in touch with me for 13 days in total.
I was depressed waiting for your replies. Yet, trying to be calm and not thinking about the heartbreak I was about to encounter.
“And even if I knew what was coming for me, I still wasn’t prepared, and it hurts like hell”.
I only hoped that we could get the chance to patch things up, so I sent you countless emails, Skype messages, and I even appealed to your mom and sister to please send me a response, but you eluded me. How could you ever do that to me when back then, it only took a few hours or so for you to reply and smooth things over when we have fights? The questions in my mind were myriad.
Then one hot afternoon, after shopping for clothes and stuff for my first travel abroad, (I was even very excited to show my dresses I just bought). Eager yet highly strung. Big sigh. My heart was beating fast.
“Thank you for all those years. Farewell.”
My jaw dropped. Hands clenched. Tears fell. Body trembled. Was this supposed to be a joke? It was the worst and depressing email I’ve ever read in my life. I knew from the very moment that it was real, and the day, the moment you said goodbye, had just arrived. Yet, I couldn’t take the pain I had, knowing every single thing of what we’ve invested in suddenly vanished in the air. There was nothing I could do but weep and drown in tears. I tried to reach out to you, sent countless emails. And letters hoping for the guy I loved would somehow respond. Unfortunately, I received none. You just said goodbye to me without any explanation, and that day I wish it never came. For me, it was more than heartbreak but also broken promises.
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I began to ask myself why? What have I done? What have I not done? I tried to scrutinize every possible little thing that I might have missed resulting in your decision of leaving. Why did the guy whom I loved the most broke my heart, and so I thought at the same time, should I hand you in this letter? What went wrong? I was totally clueless.
Hey, did you forget the good times and the fabulous plans coming ahead of us? Some friends even asked me to get my visa to the USA much earlier to get a cheaper flight and happily be with you for a couple of months or so. And did I even tell you that your mom advised me that I should get a fiancé visa instead of a tourist visa? I was keeping it secret to surprise you how much your mom liked me. Remember our vacation plan to Marina Bay Sands in Singapore? It’s one of our dreams. And, the big thing, our civil wedding. Ring a bell?
Where were all those promises? Where did they go? Why did you leave me? Why did you break my heart? I had endless nights of crying. I was severely shattered. You probably had no idea how much the heartbreak cost me. I swear on earth I forgot about everything in my life! As a matter of fact, I was so lost.
I sussed what it’s like getting broken promises. You’re a man of your own word, and I always believed that. But you proved me wrong in one single snap.
One day I wish you could tell me your reasons to have peace in my heart and mind. If that day comes, we run into each other again; I’d still want to know your reasons behind it. And probably, I’d hand this letter I wrote to the guy who I trusted most before.
Don’t worry, despite that unbearable heartbreak you caused me, I didn’t hate you, I was still thankful I loved you, that you exist in my life, but at the same time, I felt deeply in my heart the pity for you. I wish I knew you and let me know your struggles so I could help you, but you were afraid to be honest with me, coward like you never used to be, a different persona that’s behind your striking countenance.
I wanted to make myself believe that you just got tired that one day, you’ll be back and realize how much you want me, how much you love me, but it didn’t happen. It never happened. So I came to hit my head and dig into every line of my organs that you’re not even thinking of a major come back, never. And if you ever did, it’s not gonna be very special, rather it would just be a dream.
To the guy who broke my heart, gave me a tremendous heartbreak, thank you.
The day you said goodbye, I thought the days were getting brighter for me. And I’d like to say thank you. I am thankful for all the struggles I’ve gone through. For the pain, you caused me, for the sufferings I endured. I still thank you. You widely opened my eyes to reality. A reality I was turning my back on when you were with me. I felt bothered when you broke my heart. As a consequence, it gave me so many incredible chances to love myself and be free. Thank you for realizing you are not worthy for me, for letting me go like a bird finally free from its cage. Wherever on earth, you are right now.
I hope you’re happy and you find peace of mind. And I hope this letter I made for you, to the guy I used to cherish the most, would somehow make you realized how much damage you have done.
After the heartbreak, I learned a lesson the hardest way: love yourself first before you deeply love someone else. Love yourself the way you want to be loved by someone else. Also, the heartbreak that the break-up, dumping brought me made me realize that when something is not really meant for you, you really can’t have it no matter how much you try to keep it. That’s life. We have to keep going.
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*P.S. I never got to send this letter to the guy who massively broke my heart, but if ever he’ll get to read this, well, he realizes how much treasure in me he had lost.
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Rain GatdulaJune 1, 2016 at 14:38
Naka-relate po ako sobra! Thank you for sharing your story. May kasabihan nga na “Hindi lahat ng inaalagaan mo ay mananatili sa ‘yo. You deserve someone who loves you with every beat of his heart, someone who’ll always be there for you, and who’ll love every part of you… 🙂 Haha! Naiyak po ako ng mabasa ko yung last part, so true! Thank you for the words.. Sobrang na-enlighten ako. Thank you thank you po!
Catherine MendozaJune 2, 2016 at 00:29
hello dear.! First of all for reading and commenting.
ha ha not all you’ve been taking care of will be yours forever. Don’t worry, yes
there is someone out there perfectly for us. I’m glad you could relate even if it’s a heart breaking post.
And I’m also glad that some part enlightened you. Be strong. Better days are coming. You’re very welcome! Xx
FernaJune 24, 2016 at 13:05
Hi Cathy, the same quote I’m sending you has the same meaning I had 8 years ago when an ex husband abandon me, left me suddenly and never came back to even apologize nor to explain why. It was then, I realize that I will forever love myself. Coincidentally, 2 days ago, I read from the news about a local actress sharing what she also had realize about love, that keep on reminding me as wellFerna. Sharing you this.
‘Loving yourself isn’t selfish at all, it’s really about knowing your values and your worth as a woman and we should never apologize for having high standards in love, because the right man or the man who really wants to be in your life will rise up to meet those standards.- Jodi Sta Maria
Carlo Galicha DominguezJune 25, 2016 at 16:05
Damang Dama ko yung sakit ng mga araw na to. I remember your stories that you’re tota;ally depressed to the point that you want to jump out of that veranda and end your life. I know how painful heartbreak was. I’ve been there 3 years ago, the most painful one. I believe, it took me a year before I finally say. Im totally okay. It was one year of nightmare and I swear that it would never happen again. If someone will break me again next time. *Knock on the wood I promise to be strong and just move on.
AshaOctober 14, 2016 at 09:11
You are a wonderful being Cathy. Keep your head high and remember that you are a beautiful creature from the inside and out. Cheers to more travels and love!